Sometimes Life Gets In the Way – Sometimes Snow does too.

When Sharon and I discussed creating this blog, I had visions of writing about interesting and relevant topics – at least interesting and relevant to me. You know, important topics like Network Virtualization Overlay Solution Using Ethernet VPN or the latest developments in Segment Routing or Ethernet Passive Optical Networking. I also thought it might provide an opportunity to discuss important philosophical issues, post about books I have read, movies I have watched, and so on. Lastly, I thought that it would be fun to post about the various hobbies that our eccentric family enjoys (or wants to enjoy someday) And yes, I plan to do that (at least the later topics).

But, sometimes life gets in the way. This morning, on my way to work (after staying up very late last night dealing with the blue beast in the garage) I got stuck in the snow, trying to drive up Mastodon Hill. As you may recall from Sharon’s earlier post, “Beyond Where the Road Ends” our road and the last part of Mastodon Road that leads up to it is “unmaintained” which actually means, not maintained by the borough but maintained by the few hardy souls who are foolish enough to live out here. We had a pretty heavy snowfall, up to 12 inches deep, but Sharon and our neighbor Dawn had recently plowed, and I thought, I have 4-wheel drive and premium Finnish studded snow tires, I can do this. Well, I did manage to drive the length of Rampart Loop, but I started to slip going up the last hill on Mastodon before the beginning of borough maintenance. I then tried to back up and try my approach again, but I lost traction and ended up with my rear wheels in the snow berm blocking the road and unable to move.

Not for the first time, I was thankful for my AAA membership with included roadside assistance. However, when I pulled my phone out to call, I encountered another issue. I was in a cellar dark zone, a dead area where I had little or no signal. After getting out of the car and walking around, I was able to finally get a single bar. First I called Sharon, and then AAA. But, before I could talk to a human, I had to run the gauntlet of AAA’s ACD (automatic call distributor) system with IVR (interactive voice response). You know what I mean, even if you do not know what it is called. This is the system that answers the phone and reads a menu of options for you to choose, and then routes your call to the appropriate agent.

I realize that the level of frustration that I get when encounter these systems borders, perhaps, on the irrational. It brings to mind the year that I worked for Verizon Business as a technical trainer and “subject matter expert” for their managed IP Contact Center solutions products. Or the year that I spent at a startup company that provided outsourced call-center solutions. During that time, I created IVR trees using VoiceXML and configured call control and voice queues using the then new CCXML languages. I know how these things are supposed to be designed and how they are supposed to work. Sadly, I often seem to find examples that miss the mark. In this case badly. My phone falling back to GSM mode and still struggling to maintain the connection due to poor signal quality certainly exasperated the situation, as did the fact that I had to stand outside the car in one particular spot as snow was falling on and around me. The IVR, in a fairly unpleasant robotic voice would first ask if I was calling from Utah. Apparently, either the system was not set up to pass ANI (automatic number information, basically caller ID for 800 numbers), or the database did not realize that area code 907 was Alaska.

Whatever the reason, when I said “no,” she (I guess I should call the IVR “it” but it was obvious that the voice was meant to be female, so I will call her “she”, but we know she really is more like the squid robots from the Matrix), then asked me to identify the state and proceeded to give me a list of “examples” like “you can say Texas or California, or Florida.”

Alaska was not listed as an option, but as I was indeed calling from Alaska, I said “Alaska.” Next came a prompt either saying, “I didn’t quite get that, could you please repeat?” or in a somewhat incredulous voice (I am not sure how an IVR can be incredulous, but it really seemed to be) “Did you say, Alaska?”

“Yes,” I responded.

“Ok.” Followed with about 1 minute of disclaimers, a reminder that I needed to have a photo ID and my membership card available, and then, finally an “interactive menu” where I could chose options like “Press or say 1 to Make a new request; Press or say 2 to check on the status or cancel a request…” and so on.

I would make my choice, and about half the time would be looped back to the initial menu and hear the announcements with disclaimers again. After pressing or saying (or screaming) “ONE” enough times, I would finally be placed into a call queue where I could listen to another AAA promotional announcement, be reminded of the necessity of having both my ID and membership card to receive service, be subjected to whatever insipid music-on-hold (MOH to those into TLAs, the three-letter-acronyms that are so prevalent in the telecom industry) that AAA had licensed before an actual human could take my call.

I should say that the human agents were quite pleasant and professional; I am not sure if they were really pleasant and professional, however, or if I was just glad to finally be able to talk to someone. In any case, they would always ask if I was “in a safe place.” At first, I did not know how to answer this question. I was standing outside my car in freezing weather on a hill while it was snowing and my car was blocking the roadway. Is that safe? I soon discovered (after making the mistake of asking “I am shivering in the cold and snow outside of my car, what do you think?”) that the only acceptable answer to this query, at least the only answer that would further the conversation, was “Yes, I am safe.”

I then had to read off the long membership number, usually several times because the connection was poor. The first time I called, I requested roadside assistance, was placed on hold and given another chance to jam out with the the hip sounds of today’s hottest MOH and finally given an ETA of about one hour. I was not going anywhere, so I resigned myself to sitting in the car for an hour while waiting for a tow. I was told that I would get a call or a text when the driver was en-route and to “stay safe.”

An hour passed, no call. I tried listening to the radio, but reception was terrible. I waited. Finally, after about 90 minutes, I called AAA back. Again I had to state that I was not calling from Utah. Pressing 2 to get status also did not work at all, I was just thrown into the same menu again and again. Finally, in a fit of rage and despair, I screamed ONE into the phone. This at least dropped me into the queue (with the announcements and MOH) and then finally to a human. “Are you in a safe place?” “Yes.” “I am just calling to check on the status of a previous request” “Ok, can I have your membership number” (repeat 3x). Ok, I see that your estimated wait has been extended an hour.” “Oh really, no one called me.” “We are sorry, the driver is en route and will call you when he is close by.”

Another hour passes, I call again. This time, I am randomly dropped trying to get through the menus, The IVR keeps asking me if I am calling from Utah, and continues to helpfully give me other options like Texas. Finally, I get through to a human, I ask the status, I am now told that it will be another hour. I ask the name of the towing operator. They reluctantly give it to me. I wait… Finally, I decide to bypass the system. I call Sharon and ask her to look up the number for the towing company. I call, and get the driver, who then tells me, sorry it is taking me so long, I am at “mile 134.”

This is a more useful bit of information than it seems at first glance (at least if you do not live in Alaska). You see, If you were to ask me how to find Cubby’s (the local grocery store) I might say Mile 98 on the Parks.

There is something else: there are not that many highways in the whole state. Around Talkeetna, there are only two possibilities: one is the Parks Highway, which extends from Wasilla at mile 40 or so to its terminus in Fairbanks at mile 358 and the other is the Talkeetna Spur Road which begins with mile 0 at the junction with the Parks Hwy (at mile 99) and extends mile 14 where it ends at the village park. I was located about 10 miles from mile 8 on the Spur, so the driver was still about 53 miles away. It was unlikely he would be able to get to me for at least another hour. It had been over fours hours by this time. Sharon was frustrated that I was still stuck, I was frustrated and hungry. Finally Sharon and our neighbor Dawn, worked together to plow out the road behind me going back to the house, and then Dawn was able to pull me out of the snow and down the hill with her plow truck, and I was finally able to drive back home.

The ordeal was almost over, but I still had to cancel my service request with AAA. I called and went thought the menu system again, the cancel request option did not work, I finally again went to “press one to start a new request” got a human went though the script, and then finally was able to cancel the service call.

A few minutes later, a dispatcher from AAA called to ask why I canceled my request, she started the call with “Are you in a safe place…”