Yesterday, John treated the children to a lunch out at Hacienda in Wasilla en route to the orthodontist. My two oldest children made a big mistake. Several actually. Their first mistake was to try and eat the raw jalapeño peppers that came with their meal. That was hilarious enough. They then decided to bring their peppers home, because they were “so spicy” that “EVEN MOM” wouldn’t be able to eat them. Oh, children, to quote Mark Hamill as Darth Cocknocker from Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back: “Don’t Fuck with the Jedi Master, son.”
So here are my two children trying to eat these peppers:
And here I am:
My mother’s first husband was Indonesian and she spent some time living in Indonesia. While all of y’all were eating PB&Js, mac ‘n cheese and chicken nuggets as children, I was eating rendang, and ayam besengeh. My very favorite Indonesian dish is cumi bumbu Bali:
I have literally a lifetime of tolerance built up to capsaicin, the chemical responsible for the ‘heat’ of a pepper. Capsaicin is only an irritant to mammals. Birds are immune to it. My pet cockatoo loves dried chilies as a treat. Most of the capsaicin in a chili pepper is concentrated in the membrane around the seeds (the seeds themselves contain none). It is theorized that pepper plants evolved this mechanism to keep mammals from eating their fruit and grinding up their seeds with our molars. Birds don’t have molars. If they eat a pepper, they swallow the seeds unharmed and ‘distribute’ them elsewhere. Capsaicin also seems to have anti-fungal properties which is beneficial for the pepper plant.
II’ve never been served anything that was too spicy for my taste. I’m not saying this out of some sort of machismo. I know some times people think their tolerance level of capsaicin is a measure of ‘toughness’, ‘manliness’, or ‘badassery’. It’s not about that. I don’t eat spicy food out of some need to prove something. I enjoy tasting the other flavors of my food, not just heat, but it is safe to say that I don’t experience spiciness exactly the way my husband or children do. They describe the experience as painful. That is absolutely not what I experience when I eat spicy peppers. I experience pleasure instead. I’m not entirely sure what that says about me…
Maybe I’m just a bird. I sure seem to get along with them quite well,
And it’s just my mouth and tastebuds that enjoy capsaicin; my other soft tissues have no such relationship with it. I once chopped half a dried ghost pepper for my famous squash pasta sauce without gloves on. Then I had to use the bathroom. Ladies, please never make that mistake I made. I no longer fear Hell. That BURNED!! Pro tip: if you don’t have latex gloves when chopping very spicy peppers, coat your hands in olive oil or other fat before chopping. The fat provides a protective layer between your hands and the pepper juice, which you can then more easily wash off. And definitely wash BEFORE and after you use the bathroom! Trust me on that one.
I still have faith one of the kids will share my love for spice. I think it’s Arcturus…
