Picture it: The year is 40.000 BC and Ugluk the caveman has just come home from a long day of hunting the wooly mammoth, only to find his good friend, Grishnak, shtupping his wife. Ugluk is furious; not just at this simple act of betrayal by his wife and friend, but because everything he has worked for in his caveman life is now in question. Day after day, Ugluk has toiled to find roots and hunt big, scary animals to provide for his wife and his four, adorable cave children. Are those children even his? Has he risked life and limb each day to raise four cuckoo’s eggs? Ugluk feels more than just a stab at his male ego; he feels existential dread at the thought that all he has ever worked for, all he has tried to build, might have all been for naught. His hard life in the cave will never be the same again and Ugluk is understandably rather angry. “Now, now,” says his friend Grishnak, as he leaps off Ugluk’s wife and sees that Ugluk has his mammoth-pummeling club raised high, “I’m sure you are very angry at me right now, but you really should…CALM DOWN.”
Forty thousand years later, an archeological expedition finds Grishnak’s remains and a forensic anthropologist determines he died of blunt force trauma to the head.
That is because never, in the entire history of the human race, has the phrase “Calm Down”, ever deescalated a situation.
I’ve been told to “Calm down” as well today, my rage directed at the Covidiot, who willfully and recklessly broke our State’s quarantine mandate (where he had to quarantine just a few days awaiting test results), and potentially exposed dozens of people on an island with one crappy hospital to his COVID-19 infection. And yes, I am very angry about this guy’s (let’s call him “COVID Johnny” from now on) callous disregard for everyone on that island and in this State.
I am angry because there are people on that island whom I love dearly. At least one of them has immunodeficiency that puts them at tremendous risk of serious complications from this Virus. I love her like a sister. I cannot go to see her. Yes, I am angry.
I am angry because there are, as of today, 459.000 deaths worldwide of which 121.000 are in the United States. One of those deaths is an old college friend of mine. Two other deaths are the parents of my husband’s friend, both of whom died last month. Yes, I am angry.
I am angry because I will not see my mother at all this year; my children will not see their grandmother. I am angry because I barely sleep and have a hard time eating as of late, thinking about whether I will ever see her again. For weeks, my anxiety level has been at “Level Mount Krakatoa Eruption”, as I try to figure out how to keep my children healthy and happy. My children have no circus camp this year. The pool where they took their swimming lessons, went out of business because of adhering to our State mandates. Out. Of. Business. Where will my kids, and the countless other children of the Matsu Valley, learn this essential, life-saving skill now? The pool operator complied (throughout many years of swim lessons, she also became my friend and now she does not know how to pay her bills and eat), but COVID Johnny gets to go to parties and goof around instead of quarantining for 3 days and he gets a free pass and fucking sympathy. Yes, I am angry.
I am angry because half my town is on the dole, not by choice but because they- and their employers, adhered to all the State mandates. My friends, my loved ones, surviving on handouts and the food bank (our food bank stretched so thin with all the new demand), but I should not be mad at COVID Johnny for going to a few parties, because he is young and stupid. Yes, I am angry.
I am angry because my State is going broke trying to keep everyone safe while COVID Johnny gets to flip the State’s mandates the bird and do whatever he wants because he is young and stupid. Yes, I am angry.
I am angry at COVID Johnny, at everyone like him, and everyone who defends him. His defenders act as if he is a small child who threw a rock through someone’s window… a “little mistake caused by being young and stupid”. COVID Johnny is a legal adult who knew exactly what he was doing. He spat in the face of the thousands of Alaskans who have suffered, and are still suffering, to keep our State from turning into plagueville. He spat in the face of our mandates that so many of us have diligently followed, despite the hardships to ourselves, to keep our State safe. I have a sneaky suspicion COVID Johnny would garner less sympathy, and less of a bullshit official statement from the island’s police department, if he were not intimately connected to that police department. The ole’ Do as we say, not as we do,” mentality. Which is the prime source of the OTHER unrest in the nation right now. But maybe I am just too cynical.
Yes, I am angry. I have told you now why I am angry. I, like Ugluk, have suffered more than just a stab to my ego from COVID Johnny’s actions: I am wondering if everything I have toiled and sacrificed for has been for naught. I live sleepless and joyless, filled with existential dread, at the thought my children’s future is completely fucked.
So fuck COVID Johnny, and fuck you too if you defend him. You may want to tell me to “Calm down”, and you can certainly try, but don’t be too surprised if you end up like old Grishnak.
