Around Willow.

Today’s trip to Willow is brought to you by my need to see a dentist. Talkeetna’s village clinic has a lovely dentist named Dr. Bill, who is especially good with kids (he has been known to dress up as the tooth fairy, tutu and all), but the clinic and I have an irreconcilable difference in philosophies, so my large family of 9 have to drive 35 miles to the neighboring town of Willow to see Dr. Lane at Willow Dental for cleanings and dental care.

I have never had a cavity in my entire life. Not in my milk teeth, not in my permanent teeth. I still don’t have any cavities. What I did have was gum recession that exposed some grooves in two teeth that Dr. Lane wanted to fill.

Now, ladies and gentlemen, you know that I am a tall, Amazon of a woman. I have studied martial arts and marksmanship. I am a proud descendant of Gengis Khan. I fear nothing. I am Xena. I am Carrie Anne Moss in the Matrix. I am a BAMF. If I ever met Chuck Norris, he would want my autograph…

BUT, I have my Kryptonite, and my Kryptonite is the dentist.

My Childhood dentist, back in the Old Country, was assigned to me by my shitty socialized healthcare. I had no choice in the matter whatsoever. She was so ancient, she probably learned dentistry from Hesy-Ra himself. She was massive, with arms like anacondas. She did not have a receptionist or an assistant. She did all her own cleanings with tools that were quite possibly even more ancient than she was. I know it was a long, long time ago, and my memory may be a tad foggy, but I think I nailed what she looked like in this quick sketch:

When you needed extractions, you were not referred to an oral surgeon; Oh no, you had that done with your lovely assigned dentist with only local anesthesia, because your comfort was unimportant. You were meant to suffer, so society as a whole could save a buck. While I have never had a cavity, I had to have many milk teeth extracted by my sadistic, childhood dentist, as they just didn’t fall out on their own. It was a nightmare; a nightmare I relived for many years even trying to get a dental cleaning. When I first moved here, I needed to be Nicki Minaj level high just to be able to have my teeth cleaned without freaking out. (How high is that? Like a Starship, people).

But today was a different beast. Today I actually needed… FILLINGS. I’ve never had to do this before. I almost felt… dare I say it? Like a virgin.

This is the THIRD time I have attempted this appointment. The first time I cancelled, because I had no one to watch the babies and I freaked out before even going. The second time I lost it in the dentist’s office. It was ugly, y’all. Today I wasn’t any less anxious. In fact, I did need a puke bucket and we almost had to stop mid way, but I did not want this sword of Damocles hanging over my head any longer, so I told the good Doctor to just “Git-r-Dun”. I will say, he has a sense of humor. Just look at the sign over the door to the torture chamber treatment area.

I got through this visit. And while it is not personal at all, I could live the rest of my life happily without ever seeing Dr. Lane again. However, he did beautiful work and I felt no pain at all, so I can highly recommend him. Also, rest assured, that while my old dentist’s tools looked like the shit ancient Egyptians used to remove the brain from a body for mummification, Dr. Lane’s tools look like something out of Star Trek.

No one else in my family has my crippling fear of dentists, and my children all love Dr. Lane and his delightful staff. They even have classic arcade games for the kids in a special area of the waiting room:

While I was in Willow, I made time to stop by a favorite place, the hidden gem known as Willow Rose Thrift Store.

I am an avid thrifter, and this is one of my absolute favorite thrift stores. I have found so many treasures here. A lot of my sick threads come from here. Their craft section is awesome; I’ve scored canvases, rubber stamps, polyfill, and so much more. My favorite finds over the years have been Hannibal the Hedgehog’s large, luxurious enclosure, “Buckinghog Palace”, and some super rare, Japanese teacups. Willow Rose Thrift Store has been known to give children’s Winter coats away for free at the start of the season.

Today I saw the absolute Best Thing Ever ™ inside the dressing room, which is adorned with maps of all sorts…

… there is a picture of Falcor from The NeverEnding Story, after he clearly fell on hard times, hit the crack pipe, and had to pose with a topless mermaid to make ends meet! Holy shit, it’s the most epic thing I’ve EVER seen!

(Sharlene, please sell me this next time I’m in!!)

Final thought for “Around Willow”: Don’t eat at the Chinook Deli next to the dentist’s office, unless you enjoy being served mediocre food by someone who is rude, unpleasant, and snarky to you. I’ve tried twice and had the same experience both times. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.